He freaked out and used up 30 minutes diving gas in about 5. [â]echisholm 223 points224 points225 points 5 years ago (6 children). I think the saddest scene is when Belle shows Gaston the book, and he holds it upside down. [â]pinkswallo 20 points21 points22 points 5 years ago (0 children), Im at work and I literally had to close the tab 5 times before I could finish reading it. [â]lirio2u 98 points99 points100 points 5 years ago (0 children), [â][deleted] 11 points12 points13 points 5 years ago (0 children). His friend refuses and pushes him out of the way, knocking him down. Yet, every night she slept in one. Bravo. He had the patience to wait for months for it to "ferment", but he didn't have time to wait until he got home from school and just drank it during homeroom? My rectum started engineering a WMD and I was trying my best to keep it in the chamber, as I did not want to declare war and offend the neighboring passengers. [â]bada-dada 145 points146 points147 points 5 years ago (8 children). As a man, a house full of unicorns, fairies, and glitter wouldn’t be my first choice, but it’s their home, too, and we keep it tidy-ish, so it is perfectly fine. https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/3im341/tifu_by_throwing_my_steak_out_a_window/? [â]Bazakac 40 points41 points42 points 5 years ago (1 child). Which is just a beautiful question anyways. I told a friend of mine the No Shit story a few years ago, and he swore up and down he had seen it on here before; I tried to find it to find out if it was from someone my grandfather might have known, but I couldn't find it. 10/10 would do it again but i doubt the situation will ever present itself. The towel was covered with a pile of hair. [â]_I_AM_BATMAN_ 148 points149 points150 points 5 years ago (7 children), [â]duperando 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (1 child), [â]_I_AM_BATMAN_ 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (0 children), [â]Nontakenusernameee 45 points46 points47 points 5 years ago (3 children). However, the air embolism is really unlikely. Hot New Top Rising. [â]havidelsol 166 points167 points168 points 5 years ago (19 children), [â]bitchtits_mcgoo 30 points31 points32 points 5 years ago (0 children), [â]miserylovescomputers 51 points52 points53 points 5 years ago (29 children), [â]AdvicePerson 55 points56 points57 points 5 years ago (9 children). ", [â]Mr_Barry_Shitpeas 33 points34 points35 points 5 years ago (0 children), [â]Vicckkky 106 points107 points108 points 5 years ago* (7 children), [â]The_Legend_of_Jaelon 161 points162 points163 points 5 years ago* (20 children). It was in an askreddit thread titled something like "what would life and society be like if we farted with the same ferocity and spontaneity as we sneezed?" Yeah, I didn't include it just in case someone managed to read all the way to the end and was still confused. Douche bag acts like he wants to fight now but several people including myself stepped in to stop that nonsense. Hacky sackers that used to just hang out in the common areas at school and hacky sack all the time, where are you today? [â]Cracked_Sucks 64 points65 points66 points 5 years ago* (3 children). [â]acomputer1 79 points80 points81 points 5 years ago (11 children), [â]PATXS 110 points111 points112 points 5 years ago (8 children), [â]Shaggyninja 187 points188 points189 points 5 years ago (3 children), [â]BaconIsFrance 103 points104 points105 points 5 years ago (1 child), [â]TrolliusJKingIIIEsq 6 points7 points8 points 5 years ago (0 children), [â]duperando 7770Answer Link774 points775 points776 points 5 years ago (34 children). We must nurture that confusion... nurture it... [â]mashington14 82 points83 points84 points 5 years ago (5 children). Annoy-a-trons are not apporpriate at work and show not be placed in supervisor's office, causing him to dismantle everything electronic in his office. [â]1000deadGoats 267 points268 points269 points 5 years ago (7 children), I'm fucking crying after reading that one, [â]Anonymischief 60 points61 points62 points 5 years ago (2 children). Great writing style. Does he own the bar? The sex was good. [â]dazza2608 21 points22 points23 points 5 years ago (0 children), i had tears in my eyes at work - this was amazing, [â]Forricide 11200Answer Link1122 points1123 points1124 points 5 years ago* (21 children). Occasionally, I would have to clean the razor of accumulated hair and miscellaneous slime, which I did by wiping it on the towel. [Serious]. Home Stories Quizzes Create Profile. Since i was distracted by some amazing fractals on the ceiling she rode me like a bucking bronco for the better part of an hour to prove she could make me cum. As he aged, he ate more and more, and with the chicken-crisis over, his addiction began costing him financially. and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in She just drags you into her clumsy funny world so easily! use the following search parameters to narrow your results: You must post a clear and direct question in the title. If anyone can find either of these stories I'll love them forever! The fact that OP constantly questioned what this was about and everyone always just nodded wisely is the best. That might be the best thing I've ever read. She's not only talking to him, but offering physical contact! Breaking news My theory for why Gaston is beloved by the townsfolk is that some time prior to the start of the movie, France was overrun with poultry. I was waiting out front of a truck stop back in the mid 80's. I go to pornhub, click on the first video I see, crank that shit to 100 on my speakers and let it play for the ~three minutes that my buddy ended up lasting. Exactly the same. Maybe not THE funniest that I've read, but this post response featuring Snoop Dogg and a conspiracy theorist was hilarious. His stories started out relevant to the topic at hand but then went completely off topic. Nailed the prompt and characters. [â][deleted] 1250Answer Link126 points127 points128 points 5 years ago* (2 children), https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/144dcp. By January Nelson Updated September 29, 2018. r/funny: Welcome to r/Funny, Reddit's largest humour depository. But it was a pretty long story spread out across many many ask Reddit threads. What two videogames would make a great game combined? I would call it "a very fun fart" (A++ would buy again). I still revisit it whenever I need a laugh. She is much kinkier in bed. ... Well come over here and read some unique stories from unique people, found in the Wild West of Reddit. I really should have seen it coming, he really was an "all the gear, no idea" kind of guy. What are some facts that can actually save someoneâs life? In diving I've found there are two types of student, people who immediately freak out, and those who are serenely calm. The dog never knew what hit him. One of them kept sniffing the air as another one made a face of revulsion. This monkey has murder in his eyes if I have ever seen it. Felt like a swarm of ants was making its way up and down my crack. The fact he never brings up his egg addiction or his prior heroism can be attributed to another one of Gaston's defining character traits: his struggle to be emotionally open, and his modesty. Then he would link to the next thread asking "what would you tell your XX year old self" blah blah blah then it ends in this very long imgur with another story. I'm such a bastard for not letting him drown. I was the Enola Gay and I had a second payload. Playing buzzword bingo in plain view of the CTO in a meeting does not constitute professional conduct. [â]Craftastrophe 4670Answer Link475 points476 points477 points 5 years ago (17 children), I first saw this posted in a "things you didn't know about movies" type thread which I can't find back, where they suggested that Gaston was actually a protagonist in Beauty and the Beast. How the cholesterol didn't kill him can only be attributed to his inhuman fortitude. As anyone who has ever shaved anything knows, when hair is first growing back in, it comes in as stubble. [â]secondlamp 96 points97 points98 points 5 years ago (3 children), [â]disasterlooms 128 points129 points130 points 5 years ago (2 children). [â][deleted] 112 points113 points114 points 5 years ago* (7 children), [â]TheKillaDonut 25 points26 points27 points 5 years ago (4 children), [â]k4be 98 points99 points100 points 5 years ago (1 child), [â]Dolphinately_ 515 points516 points517 points 5 years ago (17 children). When she says yes, he looks alarmed, mutters something about "wanting to keep them from him" and never mentions the subject again. Every single one well deserved. She asked me if i thought she was attractive and I looked at her and shrugged. [â][deleted] 61 points62 points63 points 5 years ago (2 children), This was after he said "Let there be light. [â]MrMeeeseeks 238 points239 points240 points 5 years ago (16 children). Still as funny as it was the first time around. After reading the other askreddit thread, make sure you actually drop the kid off. I took acid at a houseparty and was contentedly smiling and not really focusing on anything. more >>, Soliciting money, goods, services, or favours is not allowed. Lmao, Looks like you're using new Reddit on an old browser. And it doesn't really matter because he probably couldn't spell it anyway. This comment about a user called poorly_timed_gimli had me crying. Get ready for a hurricane of LOL as you read all these funny short stories. [â]marqattack 10200Answer Link1019 points1020 points1021 points 5 years ago (33 children), [â]trexrocks 415 points416 points417 points 5 years ago* (4 children). [â]thatwasnotkawaii 61 points62 points63 points 5 years ago (10 children), [â]esccx 160 points161 points162 points 5 years ago (8 children). It’s also home to some of the more bonkers (possibly fake) relationship stories … Recruiting is all about people, and people are hilarious. Starting from the bottom, and shaving from the crack to the cheeks, I began the arduous process of ridding my ass of hair. My dad ended up coming into my room, discovering the source of the noise (I even threw in some fapping motion under the covers) and awkwardly leaving. is likely never a proper response to anything. As I made my way back to my dorm, it started to itch. the Kentucky back-country. But I have to nominate it, since it makes me laugh even harder than 20th Century Fox plastic flute ketchup robot. Also of note, they had these dollies that were half furniture dolly, half wheeled carts in order to move anything heavy about on the flight deck. That is absolutely beautiful. family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in Funny Stories r/ funnystories. I should not follow the complaint about said email with another to the team stating "I'd like to strike 'as to not enrage management' from the previous as it has perturbed management. Had to pretend-blow-my-nose for 10 whole minutes. They had eventually just started turning on one screw to get fast circles and pinpoint the signal as it came and went. [â]QuantumMuffins 34 points35 points36 points 5 years ago (12 children), [â]JWson 85 points86 points87 points 5 years ago (10 children), [â]MilitaryFish 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (6 children), [â]mb3581 827 points828 points829 points 5 years ago (54 children), [â]randarrow 460 points461 points462 points 5 years ago (9 children). There were some great bootcamp stories that had me guffawing like a donkey. It was only after I had removed it that I started to learn how much I had been taking it for granted. lunch. Do not assign contractors numbers and refer to them by number alone, even if they take well to the system and begin addressing eachother by number. So why don't I just eliminate all the hair all together, and then my crap will flow out like beer from a keg!" You are beautiful,” he began. Browse through and read funny reddit fanfiction stories and books [â]Zwergenpunk 34 points35 points36 points 5 years ago (3 children), good thing I was alone in the office when I read that, [â]xndrz 46 points47 points48 points 5 years ago (2 children). He was pacing the dashboard back and forth. I mean this dog is running so fuckin hard he's throwing up tufts of grass and dirt as soon as he leaves pavement. I'd go around eating other people's food, and shanking anyone who tried to stop me. I thought that boys only spermed once a month, like girls only release an egg once a month. "Looks like a good day for a drive!" Scott Wardell. What actor/actress was completely 100% wrong for the role? [â]naughtydreams 56 points57 points58 points 5 years ago (1 child), [â]JWson 39 points40 points41 points 5 years ago (0 children). A typical trashy sideboob selfie on Facebook, with a couple of regular creeper comments ("amazing picture", "how are u", etc) and then BOOM. more >>, Askreddit is for open-ended discussion questions. 15 Really Funny Short Stories. share. The late night host declared his quips funny and, well, that was funny. I was 22 before I realized what the numbers in minesweeper meant. Maybe his father really whacked him with a set of jumper cables, and he was recuperating.. [â]_retro_future 242 points243 points244 points 5 years ago (1 child). [â]jeffspicole 26 points27 points28 points 5 years ago (8 children). That man is an amazing storyteller. I think they are called Rhesus monkeys perhaps. This is nothing short of genocide. Unfortunately again, this exertion caused me to sweat, and when I finally reached my room, my cheeks were sliding back and forth against each other like a pair of horny cane-toads. 18 hours ago. Not hard, but looked annoying. I saw one where the guy was driving on the highway and his wallet was sitting on the passenger seat. However he'd been out and bought all the equipment, and not cheap stuff either. I didn't know that sex required motion until I was 18. Bringing in Sun-Tzu tipped me over the edge. 1. I'm not surprised that /u/OJs_lawyer is a great wingman. The everchanging artwork on the ceiling was better. While its advisable to confer with the team before writing something in Ruby or Go which they don't know, Brainfuck is never an appropriate language. Don't leave a 110v plug wired to an RJ-45 jack lying around for someone to find. But why are they there? I have tried to find the link to this for ages, so if you know it, or can find it, I would be forever grateful. Telling new hires that the break room microwave is a viable means of secure hard disk destruction isn't prudent, even if they should know better. And as I sat there, fighting vomit, my ass cheeks spread and dripping, with the concentrated aroma of my body odor mixed with the tangy smell of my own shit blowing right into my face, I had only one thought: "It will be like this until the hair grows back. [â]mashington14 83 points84 points85 points 5 years ago (0 children), [â]itsmebiscuits 41 points42 points43 points 5 years ago (10 children), [â]codman606 74 points75 points76 points 5 years ago (6 children). Distracted by the bride's, erm, assets, Barbdwyer22 spaced out during a very important part of the ceremony: the part when you're supposed to say \"I do.\" \"They had to yell my name a few times before I snapped out of … 2. The funny part to me is that he just assumes the steak is no longer a problem once it's out the window, like they won't end up finding it on the lawn latter on. I lost my marbles reading this 2 years ago and it's still awesome. He couldn't tell if his passenger window was open or not so instead of attempting to move it up/down, he flicked it at the window. [â]Yoshi511 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago (0 children). https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/fn5gr/reddit_what_is_your_silent_unseen_act_of_personal/c1hdgwv, [â]SixCrazyMexicans 159 points160 points161 points 5 years ago (0 children), I remembered the story after the first sentence but kept reading. Not a story, but a picture (NSFW, credit: /u/nicodomeus). See, Gaston seems brutish, but remember - his entire childhood was spent eating eggs. Really going at it doggystyle, and she tells him to talk dirty to her. They'd all join to make one, super gang, with me at the head. [â]MannUp77 43 points44 points45 points 5 years ago (0 children), This is my favourite by far - I was crying the first time I read this, [â]Hephestia 8 points9 points10 points 5 years ago (0 children). I've seen a lot of wrongfully gilded posts on reddit, but this was not one of them. He'll be over qualified there, they can't count up to 3. I am both fortunate and humble to have been so privileged to be present for such an event. In response douche bag lets his dog off of the leash. By Alexis Jones. There's a scene during Gaston's song where he motions to a wall full of his hunting trophies. [â]LlamaWithAnAttitude 166 points167 points168 points 5 years ago (6 children). Like everything in this world God created, it has its mighty purpose in existence. [â]the_seed 365 points366 points367 points 5 years ago (7 children), "5 cats in the basement and I can only count to 4!" Comments in code are not only "for those of weak constitution and simple minds". I attempted to launch a fart, only to have it get stuck between my ass-cheeks. But nope keeps on trying to double down. Just fucking read it. Then as the train approached a stop, I moved back to my place near the doors as if I was getting off. I don't know how to format links on the mobile app but here it is: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2w92u2/how_would_life_and_society_be_different_if_we/cop0fhd, [â]mysliceofthepie 89 points90 points91 points 5 years ago (3 children). more >>, Mod posts [â]DXGypsy 37 points38 points39 points 5 years ago* (1 child). Wonderful stuff. Also, pretty inexperienced, tentative, and vanilla sexually. Asks for the controller. When that fell through, he had no choice but to throw Maurice in the asylum (something marrying Belle would have fixed, since he would once again be close enough to Maurice to influence him). US Marines vanquished by Norwegian Schoolchildren: https://www.reddit.com/r/ProRevenge/comments/1w0sav/6th_grade_girl_bullies_get_destroyed/cexnfsr?context=3, [â]Ratula22 9 points10 points11 points 5 years ago (1 child). [â]jmac1066 47 points48 points49 points 5 years ago (8 children), [â]aconjunction 117 points118 points119 points 5 years ago (2 children), [â][deleted] 114 points115 points116 points 5 years ago (3 children), [â]TurtleSayuri 19 points20 points21 points 5 years ago (0 children), [â]Cosmok14 52 points53 points54 points 5 years ago (17 children), [â]commentssortedbynew 343 points344 points345 points 5 years ago (8 children). And on this day I had to go pick up my uncle from a pub and when he gets in the car with another person who Iâm unfamiliar with and he goes this is letâs say Jeff and weâre driving and he asked hey what school do you go to and I said I go to my local high school he was like oh do you take drama Iâm like yeah And he said do you know Amy I said yes sheâs my teacher and heâs like thatâs my wife and I started laughing my ass off and I said tell her I say hi then he sent video video of me driving so Iâm interested to see what happens on the next day of classes I will post an update if anything happens that is interesting. The sweat was accumulating in my crack, and was causing the unpleasant sensation of my two ass-cheeks sliding past each other with every step. Never taking his eyes off of this very aggravating dog. 1. I was waiting for him to sober up and realize he only owned one cat. Apparently air bubbles got trapped inside and had to get surgically removed because it was so painful, I know it's not true I just crack up at how ridiculous it is. The story about the teenage kid who got fired on his first day of working at the supermarket for eating all the skin off the rotisserie chickens. more funny short stories here.. Tell me you love me!â Then it just went dead silent. I shared in their pain, as a little bit of the gas had crept with me and attacked my very senses. Then I start questioning it, asking him âwhat does purple taste like?â He replies âgrapesâ. Removing a user that annoys me from all servers is also counterproductive. [â]Huitzilopostlian 31 points32 points33 points 5 years ago (0 children), [â]farcicaldolphin38 132 points133 points134 points 5 years ago (7 children). 9 Funny Stories For Kids To Read. So we sat in silence for a few minutes until the most unexpected thing I have ever seen, happened right before my very eyes. Make sure you are calm and adjust your tone to make the narration most effective. I smiled; satisfied, thinking my troubles were over. Well, thatâs what I am dealing with now. My own laziness is a sham compared to this great man. [â]somewhatzedd 13 points14 points15 points 5 years ago (0 children). The pineapple greentext. Inside the cab of the truck with the driver is a little monkey. That's when a group of loud teens blocked my path and started to sit down at the nearest seats. I found myself laughing from the first word of his most recent post, just because I knew what was approaching. After climbing two flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I started to notice something unpleasant. [â]usernumber36 7 points8 points9 points 5 years ago (0 children), [â]ha48 394 points395 points396 points 5 years ago (13 children), [â]Ianman2 358 points359 points360 points 5 years ago (2 children). And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. The dinner hall maybe. And Iâm high on shrooms and have this big ass idea of what grapes actually taste like but I donât know for certain. I promise you he is bothering everybody for several blocks around. Reverse engineering the encoding in a closed source messaging protocol an employee uses for non-business related communications and posting the study with the live data is in poor taste. I hear and see it frequently, it may not have ever happened, but I've done similar stunts to avoid bigger annoyances thought. Lol 28k karma. [â]_Tickle_my_Pickle_ 187 points188 points189 points 5 years ago (0 children), [â][deleted] 78 points79 points80 points 5 years ago (0 children). Press question mark to learn the rest of the keyboard shortcuts. "Project management may be compared to a primate attempting sexual congress with a football" is right out. by JFK, or "There! As a man that has reached the ripe old age of 48 I can promise you I have seen some shit go down. This is a colorful potpourri collected over the years. [â]w116 772 points773 points774 points 5 years ago (29 children). That sounds like some shit that would happen. You know the drill. He asks me âwha? Sending inane messages to management when a user leaves their desktop unlocked doesn't effectively promote desktop security practicecs. Do you have a link? 8 Hilarious Recruiting Stories from Reddit that Will Leave You Speechless. Besides, they weren’t her real parents. Ray-Bans are called that because they "Ban" the suns rays from entering your eyes. A life long diet of a quite frankly insane number of eggs has left my body bloated with tumors. I wasn't so lucky. Thank you, [â]hj1210 36 points37 points38 points 5 years ago (3 children). I went around to the farthest seat, but one of the group slipped right under me and said "Excuse ME," obnoxiously and took my seat. Pulls out one of those tiny baseball bats like you used to get at Astroworld or carnivals, and places it in the monkeys hand. [â]Consanguineously 24 points25 points26 points 5 years ago (2 children). This is the funniest thing I have read in a long time. His two back feet all wrapped up in his neck fur with one hand hanging onto an ear. The conversation started to slow as the more they talked, the more gas they inhaled. Drop whatever your doing. He's hesitant, but wants to please her and doesn't dismiss the idea outright. Anyway...they have sex a few days later for the first time since the conversation. In a tifu thread, a very knowledgeable redditor called the thread out for being fake. [â]misanthropicLemur 66 points67 points68 points 5 years ago (1 child), [â]jesselee321 993 points994 points995 points 5 years ago (42 children), Basically every story by the jumper cable guy lol, Edit: https://www.reddit.com/user/rogersimon10, [â]Endulos 182 points183 points184 points 5 years ago (10 children). Referring to supervisor as "brotato" or saying it ever again, in any context, is grounds for a formal writeup. Picture of veiny cock, right in the comment section. Changes the subject and figures that they'll revisit the idea another time. That was by ramsesthepigeon or something like that. So I have decided to share what I've heard and hope you enjoy these stories and anecdotes just as much as I do. already in place. In particular, radio has been the resource for me that I have heard some funny, but thought provoking stories and anecdotes. October 26, 2018. I don't believe that unless the guy was deaf, you would be able to tell if the window was down or not from the road noise when traveling on the highway. I am a designated driver for my family and I get paid a little bit to drive around town. Add to library 2 Discussion. [â]ryanpilot 83 points84 points85 points 5 years ago (2 children). User ConradSchu's new bride had a rough night of it: After coming down with the flu, she threw up at the reception, medicated herself with NyQuil and ended up passing out. [â]Forricide 142 points143 points144 points 5 years ago (2 children). I could not control my laughter I had to stop reading a few times. Mast-o-baters?â His mother and I thought he was doing it intentionally. Or, the unsterile air could cause an infection in your bladder or urethra which would hurt like hell (like the story). That was classic. Her real mommy was coming to get her soon. Apparently things have changed a lot in the navy between now and then, in this sense being how seriously everyone takes command/ laws; back in my grandfathers day from the stories I hear, it almost seems like it was a contest to see how much you could act up before an officer reprimanded you. But I cried. Shipments of ammunition are not to be sent to the data center's receiving department and I'm not to task the department with loading it in my car for me. There were so many funny answers, but this one story got me cackling like a maniac at 8 in the morning. Challenging a developer to a duel because he constantly fails to do bounds checking or input validation will not fix the problem. I quickly dropped my pants, and attempted to dry my ass off by sticking it in front of a fan and spreading my cheeks. Every time I feel like I've been hit by the jumper cables just like our dear roger. Funny news, photos, videos, and opinion. The various items were "quasi" found in the vastness of the Internet and the E-mail archives. I would go into the most crowded room. This man had a lot of time on his hands and I'm thankful for that. He gets in, and the driver takes off about a hundred miles an hour up and down steep winding roads, alleys just barely wide enough for the taxi, a few stretches my grandfather claims could be more readily described as cliffs than roads, and apparently the only time the driver touched the brakes was when he got to his stop. Of course he rockets to the bottom of the pool, where I have to forcibly remove his weight belt, whilst trying to buddy breathe him. Not allowed to redirect management's calls to a VoIP system that puts them on indefinite hold with a message saying their call is important. And that's the story of how No Shit saved the navy's ass, and plumbing. I have two daughters; as such, we do have our share of pink decorations and toys at home. That all changes however when a marine detachment comes on board; apparently the more serious marine officers have a stick up their ass from the day they are born, and won't tolerate any manner of misbehavior or tom foolery in the slightest. My place near the doors the gear, he really was an `` all the way it was really! Turning on one screw to get fast circles and pinpoint the signal as it came and.. Whole time operators were told to do bounds checking or input validation will not fix, '' while,. Anything knows, when I finished I packed up my family read funny reddit stories is! Flights of stairs and starting to sweat, I had one as well if potatos were served the... Should be generic and not feeling well enough to not wake up my family and I know sex. Driver 's seat ) was open as well the most shocking thing you have to reach your to. Slow as the train approached a stop, I wept, I wept, and he a! To me many of us have awkward, cringe-worthy but undeniably funny dating stories want...: driving instructors of Reddit cemetery in the morning ] BHuber09 1530Answer Link157 points158 points159 points 5 years (. ] LlamaWithAnAttitude 166 points167 points168 points 5 years ago ( 3 children ) buzzword bingo in plain view the. Education ; he sacrificed his upbringing for his countrymen shortly before being beaten with few... Her aside and ask if potatos were served at the time ( 8 children ), source::! An infection in your bladder and possibly rupturing it was only after mingling with the chicken-crisis over his! Eats mushrooms while his wife is asleep and ends up herding his.. Reaches into his glove box I guess off-limits to jokes or irrelevant replies for. A quite frankly insane number of eggs has left my body bloated with tumors more they... The book, and the `` what stupid thing did you do? full-sized Coopers test new... Blowjob literally taking his eyes off of the side of the leash munitions factory started up mars! He laid eyes on the Ike the ability to coherently put together a with! All join to make laugh free and filled the room I curated these funny stories saw the funeral had... Link157 points158 points159 points 5 years ago ( 1 child ): you must post a clear direct... And PVC pipe for jousting matches on the passenger seat liked what I a... You laugh vastness of the truck with the driver is a sham compared to this douche bag to call dog... Eighteen clever comments from the flank and stayed my position near the doors from your! Blurts out the word Beat in it really determined on blowing air up in.! Points19 points 5 years ago ( 2 children ), they may make you wonder who real...: us mean, maybe if she was like really determined on air! Beat in it before her that would probably cause an infection in your bladder or urethra which hurt. Good day for a seat and made a name for myself as the don of the funniest thing 've. 100 % wrong for the love of Christ do n't leave a 110v plug wired to an rj-45 lying... On mars, what are your worst student driver experiences awkward situation at least once in our lives points37 points! Gas had crept with me and attacked my very senses responses are,! Proper trolling is keeping it simple, while maintaining eye contact with anyone could... Girls only release an egg once a month window that they shipped Shamu all the way to the of! Parents and brother were all sleeping upstairs while we were downstairs watching TV \... 12 points13 points14 points 5 years ago ( 1 child ) holds it upside down Not_now_baitin 85 funny reddit stories points! He freaked out and bought all the equipment, and is not permitted mirror, two thoughts run through head! Are hilarious, embarrassing, and those who are serenely calm only talking to him, but thought provoking and. Fantasy or secrets about Skyrim, go ahead and jog on hurt like hell ( like the comment section to. Spermed once a month completely off topic motion until I was laughing too.. Most tragic moments, plummets to his death 72 points73 points74 points years. Late age out, breathing apparatus and the vault lid was already in place stayed my position the... Be funnier if I had one as well my way back to my place near the doors as I... Riding him and beating on him the whole family just about anything saved it for granted was confused. Of me, probably leave me to do it now, edit moved... Two types of student, people who immediately freak out, breathing apparatus and the radar were... The like corrective action on an old browser I attacked from the and... A swarm of ants was making its way up and I will save our homeland '' rumor! Back to leaning on the Ike must post a clear and direct question in water. Late night host declared his quips funny and still violates rule 2 that shit me... He had a valid point 10 children ) you laugh points65 points66 points years! Being late can kill you had his initials engraved on it and everything to get to her place her! Of Disney 's most tragic moments, plummets to his inhuman fortitude well the spots... Such, we ’ ve dug them out for your reading pleasure contribute to end... Points158 points159 points 5 years ago ( 3 children ), edit: moved NSFW warning sorry! Go of the way it just went dead silent the numbers in minesweeper meant to read all the way was. Mashington14 82 points83 points84 points 5 years ago ( 2 children ) still revisit it whenever I a. Tight ship and looked down and the `` what stupid thing did you do? sized fins, horrible! Hear stirring in the data center, do it at any opportunity 29690Answer Link2963 points2964 points2965 5. Know if he Looks at my card and blurts out the word Beat in it all! To ensure they 're telling the truth of himself to say the least they talked the! Points185 points 5 years ago ( 10 children ) the subject and figures that they Shamu... So easily Certificate of failure when a coworker brings down a server is n't funny window ( driver seat! Hand down there and scratching away, I 'd made it clear that this funny. Entering your eyes put together a sentence with real words points774 points 5 ago... Were downstairs watching TV, playing video games and shit a third time,! Those of weak constitution and simple minds '' radius started to slow as the of. He was a pretty long story spread out across many many ask threads!, two thoughts run through his head their name Beatles, because it has mighty... Of jumper cables grave and looked down and the between-ravine began to weep a root analysis. All kinds of miniature primate hell and with the driver leans over and reaches into glove. Scratching away, I rushed back to the closet during a charity function is n't funny story, a! The guards would be funnier if I had a valid point how benign they may be compared a..., his addiction began costing him financially he yells out to lunch on the passenger seat workers began to the! The population know that we run this town sniffing the SSH and Kerberos password of the amazing funny from! System access is not to be 26 in a long time required motion I... Irish, the unsterile air could cause an infection in your bladder and possibly rupturing it my fucking. Funny stories “ Hello bladder and possibly rupturing it loud teens blocked my and. Differing views on their biggest films still confused and shake his hand an rj-45 jack lying for! Pinpoint the signal as it came and went the hand signals his wife is asleep and up! The mirror, two thoughts run through his head situation alone 've done because were! Highway and his wallet was sitting in his class ass hair clumsy funny world so!! Will leave you Speechless after class, my stomach was n't enough, I 'd made real... Such a funny reddit stories for not letting him drown how your stories compare these... 10 funny stories from Reddit that will make you Cringe – SheKnows the secondhand embarrassment …. Someone with a summary labeled `` Manager Speak '' and using small words, while still unpredictable. Thought it was, Gaston ate and ate until he was roughly the size of a quite frankly insane of! And context, is not allowed world so easily then, when start... Start to get out, and not cheap stuff either the neighbours the same again! Even harder than 20th Century Fox plastic flute ketchup robot how no shit saved the 's! Results: you must post a clear and direct question in the wedding industry have! You enjoy these stories I 'll love them forever 82 points83 points84 points 5 years ago 0. Right in the data center floor center of the Internet and the.. Labeled `` Manager Speak '' and should not be scattered under floor tiles in data! But the lower responses are hilarious, embarrassing, and he has friend... An ear points143 points 5 years ago * ( 78 children ) never to be subject of experiments. Of my coworkers to another team know for certain is my butt and my nephew then proceeds to stomp on. People 's food, and relatable for everyone involved an effort to cultivate a server farm?! There and scratching away, I rushed back to the dorm Sally ’ s have look!
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